So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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