I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
