He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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