i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude i'm inner monologue high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
