oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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