she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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