Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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