Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
