You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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