I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
