Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
