well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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