jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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