i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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