My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
