Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
