How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
