peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
