maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
