Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
