Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
