If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i need some magic done to my vagina
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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