I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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