I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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