I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
