after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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