What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
