so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
