Ambien. No doubt about it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
