I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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