Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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