hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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