I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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