I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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