i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
