that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
