you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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