My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
