I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
