the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
