I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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