God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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