dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
