I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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