TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
