In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
