Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
