I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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