Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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