let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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