Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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