Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bring me that man meat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Someone signed my nipple.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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